Good Ass Weekend

Due to complaints, I am doing my best to keep this blog as up to date as possible. Work's been a little busy and I just haven't had the desire to blog lately. I'm actually delaying work that I'm supposed to be doing to keep this updated, so all 5 of you who read this better appreciate it.

Also, just to cover the food portion of the blog, my diet has been granola bars, apples, bananas, chicken wrap sandwiches, salmon, pasta with olive oil, and pizza (Thursday/Friday only) for the last week and a half. I don't really deviate from that right there. I'll also mention the bag of Oreo's I've been working on since Easter that my mom gave me. Thanks Mom, they are delicious! Seriously everyone, get yourself to your local grocer, buy some double stuff spring time Oreo's, some milk, and just sit back and enjoy (you're welcome Nabisco).

This weekend was good for a couple reasons. I'll start with work Friday. Typical day, I was given a project at 2pm Friday, and told, "yea, we need this Monday morning." seriously? It's Friday afternoon and you give me a project due Monday morning? Perfect, so that's next after this post is completed. I was pretty salty after that, but you know what? It's the weekend, so I got what I could done, shut down, and headed home. The original plan for the weekend was for my 3 roommates to be in Milwaukee and me to chill out by myself. I was actually really looking forward to this. I would have gotten to enjoy some naked time, nothing too crazy, just around my room, maybe downstairs to get some juice. I don't sit on any furniture when I'm enjoying naked time. I need to show a little respect for the roommates. I was going to take it easy, clean my room, get some laundry done, work out, lots of little errands. I managed to get everything I wanted to get done, completed around 6:30 or 7pm. Feeling good about this, I heated up some left over pizza, sat down and started trying to find a movie to watch while I relaxed.

Phone rings. Damnit who is calling? It's one of my roommates who's driving to Milwaukee for the night. My initial thought was, "What the hell did you forget? You'd better reward me with some amazing reward if you make me drive your phone charger or something similar to you. So I answer, and learn that he was in a car accident. I'm sure everyones been in this situation, you are gearing yourself up to make the other person feel bad, feeling a little bitter, a little angry, then BAM!!!! they drop something big on you. I immediately went into "concern" mode, asked what I can do, and told him I'd pick him and the person he was with up on the interstate.

This is actually pretty lucky for my roommates since the original plans for my Friday was to go on a date (more later), but that got pushed to Saturday. So I drove out, picked them up, discovered that 2 bottle of whiskey were purchased, and I wouldn't get my naked time this weekend. So what do you when you get this kind of news? You say to hell with it, take a quick shower, put on some jeans, and start boozing. I called another friend, and the 4 of us started to down whiskey shots and beer to get ready for the night.

The night took us to our regular spot, Butch McGuire's to meet some lady friends we know. Upon finding them at the bar, I promptly picked one up in a giant bear hug and smacked her head against the low hanging ceiling. Sorry about that EL. I didn't give any more big hugs after that.

Some O-Bombs and beers later, my roommate......

Ok, I'm taking a tangent right now. I'm going to give my roommates nicknames so I can differentiate them. I'm tired of saying, "my roommate this" and "that." I do my best to not use names in this blog, so for now, unless either myself, or they come up w/ better names for themselves, my roommates are:

Boomer (for his loud voice)

Noose (for his neckties)

Sweet Tea (loves sweet tea)

and back to center.... Boomer and I discovered a wall mounted juke box towards the back of the bar. I'm sure it's always been there, but this particular night, it called out name. We approached it like moths to the flame, and decided, the music being played needed an upgrade. $1 bill later, we found some kind of random song on the pre-sets. It was a split second after our song came on that I saw a credit card swipe. You gotta be kidding me? I can just swipe my credit card and listen to whatever music I want?!?! Recipe for disaster. $10 later, we were picking all the punk rock songs we love and taking requests from drunk girls shaking off their boyfriends so they can listen to whatever ass-shaking bump and grind jam they want to listen to. I'm serious, any single guys out there, make a $5-$10 investment into one of these juke boxes and watch girls just come up to you. Quite the opener and we weren't even trying.

So we're rocking out and loose track of the time, wind up closing down the bar. Well, all the girls from school we met up with left, so Boomer, his gf and I left to get some food. Mr. Gyro's is the best late night. I've yet to have Taco Burrito Palace, but I bet this rivals it. I picked up some cheesesteaks (Boomer you owe me $5), bring it back, and house it down. As I was licking my lips and sipping my ice cold cola, I glanced at the clock and saw it was 4:30am. Great. Just great. I went from wanting to stay in, relax, go to bed around 10, to getting shmammered, eating greasy food, and staying up until 4:30. Oh well, it happens. So thus starts the good weekend with a solid performance Friday.

Saturday greeted me with a hangover, sun shining and 11am wake up call. Deciding to make the most of the day, I did a few more errands, straightening up my room, hit up the gym for a solid work out (cardio mostly if you are interested) and then enjoying some sunshine on the rooftop of our apartment. While bronzing my sexy self, I called up the lovely lady I had made plans with for the evening to confirm time and place. With the plans set in stone, and feeling adventurous with some time to kill, myself, Boomer and Sweet Tea decided to go to the driving range to hit some balls. Apparently we weren't the only people with the same idea. It took about 10-15 minutes to get a spot to hit, but I'm pleased with the end result. I finally got a decent shot with my hybrids, and made a couple nice drives. I decided these good shots were a sign of good things to come and went to get myself ready for my night out.

It's been a while since I had a real first date, so I was nervous. You know it's bad when I'm trying on 2-3 different shirts trying to figure out what looks just right. Now, if I can say so myself though, I clean up pretty well. I admit most of the time I look like I'm not putting myself together well. I'm lazy. I hate shaving, I like wearing my ball caps, and save my leather belts and shoes for work. I took the extra steps this night though. Got myself a good shave, some cologne, new shoes, clean shirt, oh yea, it was on.

As I was about to head out, Sweet Tea, sensing some nervous energy around me decides to help me relax a little. "Shots?" I rarely refuse this offer, so I agree. "BOOMER!!! Get up here it's important!" Boomer comes bouncing up the stairs to be greeted with 3 shots poured of the Dr.'s Old Crow. Down the hatch and good luck.

I won't go into the details of the date. I'm sure this is disappointing to some, but I'll blog about my personal life to an extent, but keep private matters separate. We went to dinner, and then a bar afterwards. I'll say I had a great time, and am looking forward to seeing this girl again.

After the date, I came home, decided I wanted to stay up some more, and put in 'Gran Torino' staring Clint Eastwood. The blatant racism in the movie made me chuckle occasionally, but overall, it was an excellent film. Mr. Eastwood makes me want to be an angry old man when I grow older. Apparently other people agree with this though, because I got some "Likes" on facebook.

Sunday was a typical day, nothing too crazy besides getting pwned in Broomball. But yes, overall this has been a great weekend. I'm looking forward to more like it as the weather gets warmer.

So the recipe for a good weekend is this: Good Friends + Good Weather + Old Crow

Short and Sweet

So I saw a "Top 10 Things I Hate About Facebook" blog the other day and it got me thinking. What do I not like about the magical world of facebook?

One thing really stuck out to me about what I don't like about it and even South Park did a great job talking about it the other night. I hate Farmville. I'm sorry, let me rephrase that, I LOATHE Farmville. I want to apologize to any good friends of mine who play this game. I'm sure it's fun, and I'm sure your imaginary crops are feeding the starving children in war-torn Africa, but the updates need to stop.

If someone knows how to block Farmville specific updates, I'll pay you to show me, because I don't need to know who found a baby cow on their property. You know what most farms would do with a baby cow (calf if you please)? Make a delicious veal dinner served with a side of farm fresh vegetables. Seriously, it's a vagrant cow, somebody obviously didn't want it, nobody is going to miss it, so eat the damn thing.

If there were a way I could sow the fields with salt like the conquering Roman army so nothing could grow again, I would honestly get myself drunk, and destroy some peoples farms and call it a night. I'd apologize in the morning I'm sure, but you'd have to guilt me into it.

I think I saw one update for a viking quest to find a dragon or something the other day. You want a god-damn dragon on your farm?! Are you fucking insane? They breathe fire. They'd burn your crops and eat your livestock. Great fucking planning.

So yea, that's all for now, come back for more.

Friday Night

Thanks for Bert for reminding me this post is way past due.

So this past Friday, myself and my roommate Justin discovered something amazing. What we discovered was a phenomenon known as, "The Balance." What is this? more into that later.

After a nice Sushi dinner, since I can't eat meat on Friday's during lent (damn you fish mongers), Justin and I got some drinks from our liquor store and started to get a nice buzz on. While we were drinking, talking philosophy, and solving the world's problems, we came across a phenomenon we could only describe as "the balance." This rare event occurs when an individual has had just the right amount to drink. He or she drinks just enough that their insecurities are thrown completely away, but they remain sober enough that no judgement is impaired. Unfortunately, this is a delicate balance which one much keep in check. One shot too many, one extra sip of that red bull vodka, and the whole thing is lost.

It became our goal for the night to achieve this rare state of mind. We joined forces with my co-worker Lee, and headed to Angels and Kings for another co-workers birthday. It surprised me to see how nice the place is. It's a bit small, but pretty legit. Once the birthday boy and his entourage showed up, I was greeted by 5 more of my near-blackout co-workers. You know someone has had enough when you steal their beer while they are watching you, and start drinking said beer, thank them for the beer, and then return an empty beer bottle to them, and they can't tell the difference. Thank you buddy.

About two hours in, Angel's & King's was getting a little crowded so we checked out a few more bars. Next stop was the Kerryman........I'm not going to post anything about this place because it sucked, and the only highlight was a wasted girl tugging Justin's tie, asking why he was wearing it, and then making some snide comment about it. Congratulations, your saltiness and lack of anything intelligent to say to a group of guys will most likely lead to your ownership of multiple cats and transformation into a bitter old spinster, good luck with crazy Cat Lady.

Bitchy cat lady capped off Kerryman's for us. Usually it's a pretty good bar, but the vibe just wasn't there this night. The best place to find this vibe though, the place where all things would turn magically delicious for us? McFadden's. This is where the night took a turn towards the memorable. Luckily, I was pacing myself and heading for "the balance". We managed to get a table near the bar, crazy since it was around 1am when we got there, and settled in to people watch and enjoy ourselves. Lo and behold! what do we encounter after 2 minutes of people watching?! A group of three girls, with one girl standing out as she is a little taller. I think at this point, any girl that is over 5'9'' is defaulted to me being the tallest in our group of friends.

"Shout" sets the mood of the moment and we start doing the whole awkward wedding dance, hand in the air, "shout shout" you get the idea. Well right after the song, the 3 girls start posing for a picture. Well, being the creeper that I am, I decide there is only one thing to do. Stick my head into the photo and pull a "Bert Foster." See here for an example. I wish I had the picture to show you all. It honestly was my finest creep. I patiently waited for the girls to look at it on their camera and was rewarded with, "Oh my god what the hell!" I turned around with a stupid grin on my face only to be met with the two short girls shooting me the evil eye ready to smack the grin right off of my face, and the taller giving me some Bambi eyes. I decided in the interest of keeping drunk bitches happy, I'd better take a new photo for them, to ensure my giant face doesn't ruin another picture. Apparently I must be generally trusted by girls, because every time I do this, there's rarely a hesitation to give me their camera for a new photo. If I'm near a door, I think next time I should just gank it. So a new photo and taken, and I begin to talk w/ the taller girl of the group. I don't think this went over very well with her friends. the flat out refused to be friendly w/ my buddies, and kept trying to pull the girl I was talking to away.

As we were talking, I started to realize that she might have been a little too toasted. I was asked no less than 4 times if I, "Was having fun?", "Why I was at McFadden's?" and "If I lived in Chicago." By the time I got to the fourth time for each question, I realized this was going to be a train wreck. By about that time though, McFadden's was closing. I've never seen the lights on at that place, but yea, 3:30am, they turn the lights on and kick folks out. Who knew? Well I began exchanging numbers with her, and she only has my first name. This apparently is not a problem, since she has dubbed me, "Dan A Conda."

Yes everyone, DAN A CONDA. As in, Anaconda. Naturally I made a sexual comment about myself and had a good laugh. So if I am to call this girl now, "Dan A Conda" will appear. I think this alone will be the highlight of the night. We wound up having to split ways after the bar closed, but this goes down as one of the better nights I've had in quite some time.

So for all of the ladies out there, WATCH OUT! The Dan A Conda is on the loose.

Teaser

Balance, a desirable point between two or more opposite forces.


Just wait for it.....

This week's food.

So I've been put on a new client so it's not quite as easy to blog. My breakfast / lunch have been pretty standard for the week.

Breakfast: Granola Bar
Lunch: 1 Apple, 1 Banana, 3 Clementine Oranges, Granola Bars, Sandwich (Usually chicken, or peanut butter), and small bag of baked chips or pretzels.

The lunch portion is spread out through the afternoon.

It's actually been working out pretty well. I'm starting to feel better and I'm saving money by not buying my lunch every day. Hopefully the lbs start melting away soon.


There's one more week of Lent. I'm looking forward to being able to eat pizza again. Although, I'm starting to not miss it so much anymore. Usually it's the 2am drunk cravings, or on a lazy Saturday when I don't want to cook anything that I miss it most. And the other part of my lent promise, the $1 beer and $.50 beer will result in $150 to be donated to charity. As of right now, the charity is up in the air. So if anyone has a charity particularly close to their hearts, please let me know.

Progressive Laughter

So I'm pretty sure one of the funnier moments of my life happened the other night. It was one of those you had to be there moments, but I'll do my best to give the play by play. I was watching tv with my roomate and a commercial for the New Moon came on. So we start making fun of the whole Twilight phenomenon. I crack about how my younger brother had a friend whose gf broke up w/ him because their relationship didn't have passion like in the Twilight series. I shit you not.

So we start making up voices about the characters and ripping into it, and I make an inappropriate comment, per usual, followed by a whispered, "I love you." I guess it was one of those comments that the more you think about it, the more it gets funny. For the next 3 minutes we both just kept laughing louder and louder until we were both in stitches over this. Laughter makes me laugh. It was a good time.

In other news, Friday night to once again negated all progress I've made in being healthy. We went out to the Hangge Uppe. I actually don't enjoy going to that bar. Now don't get me wrong, I'm almost positive every time I've gone there, I've had a decent time. My problems with the bar are these: 1.) If I'm not hammered drunk when I get there, I HAVE to get hammered drunk to enjoy myself 2.) Each time I've gone, between covers and drinks, I spend a minimum of $75 dollars. There's something about the bar that just makes me want to spend money. I think because if I were sober there, I wouldn't want to stay more than 5 minutes.

The other thing about this bar, is you see all kinds of people that you kind of know. I ran into 2 people I'd met before in the past. One was a co-worker of a girl a roomate of mine dated. The other was a girl who cock-blocked me once. I sincerely hope I didn't scream at the second girl. I was toasted when I saw her, and I'm still mad at her to this day.

And to top off a night of shots and beer, I got Mr. Gyro's after. Here's what happened next:

Philly Cheesesteak
Fries
Gyro

I'm not proud of this. You may mock me now.

Catching up

Dinners: Salmon and Pasta w/ Olive Oil (2 nights); Baked Chips, Ham/Turkey Sandwich on wheat.
Breakfast/Lunch: Buffalo Chicken Wrap, Baked Chips 4 Granola Bars, 2 Bananas, 2 Apples, Cheeseburger, Fries.

That should cover breakfast and lunch for the last 3 days.