Monday, March 29, 2010

Friday Night

Thanks for Bert for reminding me this post is way past due.

So this past Friday, myself and my roommate Justin discovered something amazing. What we discovered was a phenomenon known as, "The Balance." What is this? more into that later.

After a nice Sushi dinner, since I can't eat meat on Friday's during lent (damn you fish mongers), Justin and I got some drinks from our liquor store and started to get a nice buzz on. While we were drinking, talking philosophy, and solving the world's problems, we came across a phenomenon we could only describe as "the balance." This rare event occurs when an individual has had just the right amount to drink. He or she drinks just enough that their insecurities are thrown completely away, but they remain sober enough that no judgement is impaired. Unfortunately, this is a delicate balance which one much keep in check. One shot too many, one extra sip of that red bull vodka, and the whole thing is lost.

It became our goal for the night to achieve this rare state of mind. We joined forces with my co-worker Lee, and headed to Angels and Kings for another co-workers birthday. It surprised me to see how nice the place is. It's a bit small, but pretty legit. Once the birthday boy and his entourage showed up, I was greeted by 5 more of my near-blackout co-workers. You know someone has had enough when you steal their beer while they are watching you, and start drinking said beer, thank them for the beer, and then return an empty beer bottle to them, and they can't tell the difference. Thank you buddy.

About two hours in, Angel's & King's was getting a little crowded so we checked out a few more bars. Next stop was the Kerryman........I'm not going to post anything about this place because it sucked, and the only highlight was a wasted girl tugging Justin's tie, asking why he was wearing it, and then making some snide comment about it. Congratulations, your saltiness and lack of anything intelligent to say to a group of guys will most likely lead to your ownership of multiple cats and transformation into a bitter old spinster, good luck with crazy Cat Lady.

Bitchy cat lady capped off Kerryman's for us. Usually it's a pretty good bar, but the vibe just wasn't there this night. The best place to find this vibe though, the place where all things would turn magically delicious for us? McFadden's. This is where the night took a turn towards the memorable. Luckily, I was pacing myself and heading for "the balance". We managed to get a table near the bar, crazy since it was around 1am when we got there, and settled in to people watch and enjoy ourselves. Lo and behold! what do we encounter after 2 minutes of people watching?! A group of three girls, with one girl standing out as she is a little taller. I think at this point, any girl that is over 5'9'' is defaulted to me being the tallest in our group of friends.

"Shout" sets the mood of the moment and we start doing the whole awkward wedding dance, hand in the air, "shout shout" you get the idea. Well right after the song, the 3 girls start posing for a picture. Well, being the creeper that I am, I decide there is only one thing to do. Stick my head into the photo and pull a "Bert Foster." See here for an example. I wish I had the picture to show you all. It honestly was my finest creep. I patiently waited for the girls to look at it on their camera and was rewarded with, "Oh my god what the hell!" I turned around with a stupid grin on my face only to be met with the two short girls shooting me the evil eye ready to smack the grin right off of my face, and the taller giving me some Bambi eyes. I decided in the interest of keeping drunk bitches happy, I'd better take a new photo for them, to ensure my giant face doesn't ruin another picture. Apparently I must be generally trusted by girls, because every time I do this, there's rarely a hesitation to give me their camera for a new photo. If I'm near a door, I think next time I should just gank it. So a new photo and taken, and I begin to talk w/ the taller girl of the group. I don't think this went over very well with her friends. the flat out refused to be friendly w/ my buddies, and kept trying to pull the girl I was talking to away.

As we were talking, I started to realize that she might have been a little too toasted. I was asked no less than 4 times if I, "Was having fun?", "Why I was at McFadden's?" and "If I lived in Chicago." By the time I got to the fourth time for each question, I realized this was going to be a train wreck. By about that time though, McFadden's was closing. I've never seen the lights on at that place, but yea, 3:30am, they turn the lights on and kick folks out. Who knew? Well I began exchanging numbers with her, and she only has my first name. This apparently is not a problem, since she has dubbed me, "Dan A Conda."

Yes everyone, DAN A CONDA. As in, Anaconda. Naturally I made a sexual comment about myself and had a good laugh. So if I am to call this girl now, "Dan A Conda" will appear. I think this alone will be the highlight of the night. We wound up having to split ways after the bar closed, but this goes down as one of the better nights I've had in quite some time.

So for all of the ladies out there, WATCH OUT! The Dan A Conda is on the loose.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Balance, a desirable point between two or more opposite forces.

Just wait for it.....

Friday, March 26, 2010

This week's food.

So I've been put on a new client so it's not quite as easy to blog. My breakfast / lunch have been pretty standard for the week.

Breakfast: Granola Bar
Lunch: 1 Apple, 1 Banana, 3 Clementine Oranges, Granola Bars, Sandwich (Usually chicken, or peanut butter), and small bag of baked chips or pretzels.

The lunch portion is spread out through the afternoon.

It's actually been working out pretty well. I'm starting to feel better and I'm saving money by not buying my lunch every day. Hopefully the lbs start melting away soon.

There's one more week of Lent. I'm looking forward to being able to eat pizza again. Although, I'm starting to not miss it so much anymore. Usually it's the 2am drunk cravings, or on a lazy Saturday when I don't want to cook anything that I miss it most. And the other part of my lent promise, the $1 beer and $.50 beer will result in $150 to be donated to charity. As of right now, the charity is up in the air. So if anyone has a charity particularly close to their hearts, please let me know.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Progressive Laughter

So I'm pretty sure one of the funnier moments of my life happened the other night. It was one of those you had to be there moments, but I'll do my best to give the play by play. I was watching tv with my roomate and a commercial for the New Moon came on. So we start making fun of the whole Twilight phenomenon. I crack about how my younger brother had a friend whose gf broke up w/ him because their relationship didn't have passion like in the Twilight series. I shit you not.

So we start making up voices about the characters and ripping into it, and I make an inappropriate comment, per usual, followed by a whispered, "I love you." I guess it was one of those comments that the more you think about it, the more it gets funny. For the next 3 minutes we both just kept laughing louder and louder until we were both in stitches over this. Laughter makes me laugh. It was a good time.

In other news, Friday night to once again negated all progress I've made in being healthy. We went out to the Hangge Uppe. I actually don't enjoy going to that bar. Now don't get me wrong, I'm almost positive every time I've gone there, I've had a decent time. My problems with the bar are these: 1.) If I'm not hammered drunk when I get there, I HAVE to get hammered drunk to enjoy myself 2.) Each time I've gone, between covers and drinks, I spend a minimum of $75 dollars. There's something about the bar that just makes me want to spend money. I think because if I were sober there, I wouldn't want to stay more than 5 minutes.

The other thing about this bar, is you see all kinds of people that you kind of know. I ran into 2 people I'd met before in the past. One was a co-worker of a girl a roomate of mine dated. The other was a girl who cock-blocked me once. I sincerely hope I didn't scream at the second girl. I was toasted when I saw her, and I'm still mad at her to this day.

And to top off a night of shots and beer, I got Mr. Gyro's after. Here's what happened next:

Philly Cheesesteak

I'm not proud of this. You may mock me now.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Catching up

Dinners: Salmon and Pasta w/ Olive Oil (2 nights); Baked Chips, Ham/Turkey Sandwich on wheat.
Breakfast/Lunch: Buffalo Chicken Wrap, Baked Chips 4 Granola Bars, 2 Bananas, 2 Apples, Cheeseburger, Fries.

That should cover breakfast and lunch for the last 3 days.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Weekend

Well I think the best word that can be described for the weekend is, "Shit Show." There was plenty of drinking, plenty of people over, although it was a lot of dudes. We have to do something about the guy/girl ratio at our parties. I fully admit I did nothing to rectify the situation, but still.

Suffice to say, any progress I made on being healthy was completely thrown out the window Saturday night. In addition to being hammered, I ate the following (this will be my weekend post of food):
Quiznos (I opted for the regular size, and not the large, I'll let my selflessness sink in a moment)
McDonalds (2 McChickens and a Dbl Cheeseburger.....and a small fries)
America's Dog (1 Chili Dog, 1 Dog with Onions, Jumbo Sized)

There might be more tossed in there, but we'll cut it off there. I'm not proud of what I did. Overall though I think I'm ready for a de-tox weekend. Maybe I'm just being a wimp though.

We had another broomball game today. I'd like to think I played a decent game. Our team is really improving dramatically. Everyone is finding their stride, and we are starting to move the ball around really well. The game wound up being a tie, 1-1. We fought hard, and held off our opponents in OT when they had a 3 vs. 2 man advantage. It was a solid game all around.

The only other item on the game was me getting laid out by the big man on the other team. So the ball was in a bit of 'No Man's Land' along the boards. The goalie was too far away to play it, and it was between myself, and the other teams largest player. Well of course we both go for it. I know it's usually the best strategy to not leave your feet during the game (I do catch myself doing it occasionally though). Well this person chasing the ball down realized he wasn't going to beat me to the ball, so he slid and took out my legs from under me. Now, I fully admit I'm a chippy player. I stick check, push, shove, and do whatever I can to get into position. So when the same is done to me, I let it slide. But this ass bum rushes me and takes me out. Needless to say, being the competitive person I am, I was upset.

So my knee smacks the ice, it hurts, and I'm pissed because of that, and it's a cheap play. So what do I do? How does a 24 yr old react to this? He throws his helmet on the ground (smash might be better) and then punches the glass. I don't recommend the second, plexy glass doesn't have as much give as you might think. I managed to collect myself and walk off the ice, apologized to the score keeper for losing my temper, and took a seat. It's all a little blurry, I guess my rage took over. Regardless, it was a pretty childish thing to do. I will have to make sure I find a balance between being competitive, and being an ass.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Dinner Yesterday: Salmon, pasta, vegetables

Food Today: Granola Bars (3), PBJ Sandwich (1.5), Bag of Baked Cheeto's, Sliced Apples, 1 Banana, Salmon, Cheerios, Small Handful of Pretzels with Hummus.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Ummmm What should I do?

I forgot to blog about this the other night, so I'll do it today while I enjoy my 3:30 snack. I'm trying to eat every three hours so I don't go on empty as my trainer would say. I'm eating the pretzels I mentioned earlier.

So the other night I got a call from a friend to go out to a bar near me for a few beers. I normally don't drink during the week, but I figured I can have few since I'm unassigned at the moment. Little did I know that she was PLASTERED when she called me. Her drunken slurring was drowned out by bar noise, so I had to text my friend that I knew was w/ her the location of the festivities.

I guess by the time I showed up I missed the worst of the Schmammeredness (yes, I made up that word) but I was just in time for the real show to begin. We are having drinks, and my friend just looks at me and goes, "Ohh Dan, I have the perfect girl for you." My immediate thought is, "Well shit, this should be good." Usually when someone says these words to me, I imagine something terrible. She pulled up some pictures and showed me. To my delight, they were wonderful pictures of a classy young lady I might find some interest in. I then got the description, of this mystery girl of my dreams. "She loves Jameson and blacking out. " Yea, that's what I got. No personality traits, no interests, hobbies, etc. I just got, "drinking Jameson and blacking out."

I think it goes without saying I'm VERY excited to meet this girl.

So as the night goes on, my friend gets a couple texts from her bf and I notice her getting visibly upset. No doubt amplified by the drinks. After she went to the bathroom, I asked our mutual friend was the deal was. He explained, and I quote, "Dude, her boyfriend is a complete douche-lord. He sucks." I'm not sure if that's on Urban Dictionary yet, if it's not, please add it. A few texts later, we headed back to my apartment to watch some TV and hang out for a little bit.

So what do you do with 2 buzzed guys, and a drunk girl who has prostituted her friend (I was told I could get some if I purchased a meal for her friend because she's unemployed, forgot to mention that), remember this same girl is upset about her boyfriend at the moment. Well you bust out a bottle of home made wine and drink more of course! Aren't I full of the best ideas? So we break into some wine, chat for a bit, then settle down to watch the latest episode of The Office. About 5 minutes in, my friends phone rings, and it's her BF. What happened next is actually fairly standard for my life I think. For the next 45 minutes my friend talked, on the verge of tears w/ her bf. I know it was 45 minutes because The Office was done by the time she finished talking. I'm pretty sure the relationship ended during that phone call and we all know how those phone conversations can go. You'd rather them be in the privacy of your own room, door shut, nobody bothering you. I think the drunkenness helped her forget that we were still in the room.

So you might be thinking, well what were myself and my other friend doing while this break up was in progress and semi-yelling fighting via phone happening before us? What were we doing while our friend was fighting back tears of sadness and rage? We were fighting back tears of laughter from the episode. We figured we had 2 options.
1.) Stick it, watch the episode, pretend like the fight isn't happening.
2.) Leave the room for the basement and leave our friend by herself in a room filled with sharp objects, throwable items, and my flat screen.

Naturally, having gone through all the awkwardness that is my life, I decide to stick it out and protect the investment that is my TV from potentially getting hit with something. Plus as my friends know, if the tv is on, I can pretty much ignore just about anything and everyone. The problem was during the commercials when I couldn't zone out. I do recall sending a text message to my buddy saying, "I hope I'm the not the only one slightly uncomfortable at the moment." I was assured I wasn't, and we continued to watch tv.

Once the phone was hung up, do we reach out and console our friend for standing up to her douche-lord bf? No, we start watching Daniel Tosh's new show and laugh even more. I think we were banking on the whole, "Laughter is the best medicine" thing. Hopefully it worked a little. We did manage to crack a smile towards the end.

So yea, that's a night out with me. Pretty exciting huh?


So Avatar didn't sweep the Oscars. I'm actually ok with this. I enjoyed the movie, but I don't think it was the cultural masterpiece some people played it up to be. I also saw The Hurt Locker. I thought it was good, but again, not sure it was "Best Picture". But what do I know?

I will say I didn't enjoy the politics that managed to creep their way into the show. That's Hollywood I suppose though. I won't be texting "Dolphin" to anybody anytime soon. I do find it funny that it was blatantly obvious that the person with that sign was going to unveil it. I mean, wouldn't the producers think to themselves, "Gee, what's that person doing with a banner walking up to the stage?"

I did love the moment when the Director for "Music by Prudence" was giving his speech, the producer (?) jumped up and for lack of a better term "Kanye'd" him. I hope she feels at least a little embarrassment.

Food Items starting from Yesterday Afternoon:
-Bag of Peanuts
-Small portion of chips/salsa

-Granola Bars (2)
-Foot Long Subway Sub (Chicken)

I also have a nice snack of sliced apples and pretzels waiting for me this afternoon.

Monday, March 8, 2010


So I've been trying to lose weight recently. It's been going ok I suppose. I think I've lost 1-2 pounds. The biggest problem I have is that, even if I manage to get myself to the gym 3-4 times a week, I eat so horribly that it negates whatever I do. Case in point, last week I worked out, and right after, ate McDonald's. I had a coupon, and figured, "what the hell?"

So I came up with this idea a few months ago, and while I'm sure I'm not the first genius to come up with it, I figure, it can't hurt if nothing else. I'm going to hold myself accountable by blogging what I eat, and if I work out. We'll see how long it actually lasts. I will continue blogging about my random thoughts, but I'll just add a blurb at the bottom stating what I ate and if I worked out.

In other news, Green Beer Day was this past weekend. I had a lovely time. For those of you non-Miami people who read the blog (and I feel sorry for you), it's a celebration of Green Beer before Spring Break starts. As alumni, we start our own parties to reunite with college friends. Well I guess the bar that holds this event decided, "HEY! All these Miami kids show up to get drunk early on a Saturday, I bet OTHER schools Alumni will show up too!!!" So what did they do? They advertised the hell out of our Green Beer Day. AND had the audacity to charge $36 for a 4 hour bar special. I am pretty sure I went off on this when I said I sold my ticket for $90 (which rocked), but still. Where do these other schools come off joining Miami's day? It's just rude.

Myself and some friends wound up doing our own bar crawl and you know what? I had a better time doing that anyway. Also, hats off to Kyle Snyder for being the MVP of his bowling tournament the same day.

All that, that's all I have to say for now. Check back later this week for my thoughts on the Oscars.

TODAYS FOOD CHECK (as of 2pm Monday):
-Granola Bars (2)
-Foot Long Ham and Cheese on Wheat from Subway
---Did not work out this weekend.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Dancing with the Stars and Broomball

Dancing with the Stars
So Erin Andrews will be on the next Dancing with the Stars. I am comfortable enough with my self to say that this show is a guilty pleasure of mine. It's impressive to watch what these "celebrities" learn after a few short weeks of dancing. I used quotes there because some of these people are D or C list at best.

Upon hearing Erin Andrews would be on the show, I immediately was reminded of a wonderful quote someone said to me about her. I will set it up. So back in the Fall, I was at the Notre Dame home opener and crashing at a friend of a friends. This is around the same time that the peep hole video of Ms. Andrews was leaked to the internet. If you don't know about that, just google Erin Andrews, and it'll come up. I wouldn't recommend watching at work though.

Anyway, so we are discussing this video and someone makes the comment that she was a great body. She does. So as we are all agreeing on this fact, one person in the group very simply, very under the radar tries to slip in, "Yea, I've smelt her. She smells really good." If you can picture the scene, this would be a perfect movie moment. It just got deadly silent, and 5 heads slowly turned to the one person making the comment.

"And you know this because......?"

"I was on the field for a game she was covering, and I caught a whiff of her. She smells awesome."

I've made some creepy comments in my life. This beats those though. Of all the things to say: I saw her in person, I spoke to her, I did XYZ. No, you SMELT her. Now of course, deep down, most of us in the room were proud of our friend for pulling off such an accomplishment, but no matter how proud we could have been, the creepiness factor just took over.

Regardless, I look forward to watching Ms. Andrews and Chad Ochocinco tear up the ballroom in this coming season.

2 Weeks ago I began playing broomball again. Most people give me a WTF look when I explain it to them, so check the link if you are unsure what it is. It's basically hockey, but with shoes and not skates. Anyway, playing has brought back a competitive fire inside me I haven't had in quite sometime. Sure, I've done intramural sports here in Chicago, but playing a 16'' Softball game, or a kickball game just doesn't compare.

So far we've lost the 2 games I've played in, but we are actually looking much better than before. My one wish is that the rink were bigger. It's literally a 1/2 sheet of ice with the width cut down as well. There's not a whole lot of room to maneuver anywhere. I'd like to play on a full sheet of ice, but there aren't a whole lot of options here in the city.

I'd like to play in one of the tournaments in MN at some point. If anyone wants to put together a team, let me know. Sound like the men's tournaments might even allow contact.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Supply and Demand

So I got a real life dose of Supply and Demand today. A bar is holding a bar special this Saturday that I have a ticket it. I bought this ticket for $36, and the event sold out yesterday. This bar special is the same as any $20/$25 special. Draft beer, no food, well liquor.

I'm getting offers of $90 for my ticket. I'm going to buy a load of tickets next year and just sell them at ridiculous prices if this continues.