Thanks for Bert for reminding me this post is way past due.
So this past Friday, myself and my roommate Justin discovered something amazing. What we discovered was a phenomenon known as, "The Balance." What is this? more into that later.
After a nice Sushi dinner, since I can't eat meat on Friday's during lent (damn you fish mongers), Justin and I got some drinks from our liquor store and started to get a nice buzz on. While we were drinking, talking philosophy, and solving the world's problems, we came across a phenomenon we could only describe as "the balance." This rare event occurs when an individual has had just the right amount to drink. He or she drinks just enough that their insecurities are thrown completely away, but they remain sober enough that no judgement is impaired. Unfortunately, this is a delicate balance which one much keep in check. One shot too many, one extra sip of that red bull vodka, and the whole thing is lost.
It became our goal for the night to achieve this rare state of mind. We joined forces with my co-worker Lee, and headed to Angels and Kings for another co-workers birthday. It surprised me to see how nice the place is. It's a bit small, but pretty legit. Once the birthday boy and his entourage showed up, I was greeted by 5 more of my near-blackout co-workers. You know someone has had enough when you steal their beer while they are watching you, and start drinking said beer, thank them for the beer, and then return an empty beer bottle to them, and they can't tell the difference. Thank you buddy.
About two hours in, Angel's & King's was getting a little crowded so we checked out a few more bars. Next stop was the Kerryman........I'm not going to post anything about this place because it sucked, and the only highlight was a wasted girl tugging Justin's tie, asking why he was wearing it, and then making some snide comment about it. Congratulations, your saltiness and lack of anything intelligent to say to a group of guys will most likely lead to your ownership of multiple cats and transformation into a bitter old spinster, good luck with crazy Cat Lady.
Bitchy cat lady capped off Kerryman's for us. Usually it's a pretty good bar, but the vibe just wasn't there this night. The best place to find this vibe though, the place where all things would turn magically delicious for us? McFadden's. This is where the night took a turn towards the memorable. Luckily, I was pacing myself and heading for "the balance". We managed to get a table near the bar, crazy since it was around 1am when we got there, and settled in to people watch and enjoy ourselves. Lo and behold! what do we encounter after 2 minutes of people watching?! A group of three girls, with one girl standing out as she is a little taller. I think at this point, any girl that is over 5'9'' is defaulted to me being the tallest in our group of friends.
"Shout" sets the mood of the moment and we start doing the whole awkward wedding dance, hand in the air, "shout shout" you get the idea. Well right after the song, the 3 girls start posing for a picture. Well, being the creeper that I am, I decide there is only one thing to do. Stick my head into the photo and pull a "Bert Foster." See here for an example. I wish I had the picture to show you all. It honestly was my finest creep. I patiently waited for the girls to look at it on their camera and was rewarded with, "Oh my god what the hell!" I turned around with a stupid grin on my face only to be met with the two short girls shooting me the evil eye ready to smack the grin right off of my face, and the taller giving me some Bambi eyes. I decided in the interest of keeping drunk bitches happy, I'd better take a new photo for them, to ensure my giant face doesn't ruin another picture. Apparently I must be generally trusted by girls, because every time I do this, there's rarely a hesitation to give me their camera for a new photo. If I'm near a door, I think next time I should just gank it. So a new photo and taken, and I begin to talk w/ the taller girl of the group. I don't think this went over very well with her friends. the flat out refused to be friendly w/ my buddies, and kept trying to pull the girl I was talking to away.
As we were talking, I started to realize that she might have been a little too toasted. I was asked no less than 4 times if I, "Was having fun?", "Why I was at McFadden's?" and "If I lived in Chicago." By the time I got to the fourth time for each question, I realized this was going to be a train wreck. By about that time though, McFadden's was closing. I've never seen the lights on at that place, but yea, 3:30am, they turn the lights on and kick folks out. Who knew? Well I began exchanging numbers with her, and she only has my first name. This apparently is not a problem, since she has dubbed me, "Dan A Conda."
Yes everyone, DAN A CONDA. As in, Anaconda. Naturally I made a sexual comment about myself and had a good laugh. So if I am to call this girl now, "Dan A Conda" will appear. I think this alone will be the highlight of the night. We wound up having to split ways after the bar closed, but this goes down as one of the better nights I've had in quite some time.
So for all of the ladies out there, WATCH OUT! The Dan A Conda is on the loose.